Tag Archives: stress

Why Wait?

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

You have got an ides of where you want to be – so why are you not there?

Why wait?

Go out and do what ever it is that you need to do to get you to where you want to be. Easy as that!

Why do we wait?

Waiting has both positive and negative aspects to it. Some of the positive aspects are thst waiting allows you to re assess important decisions thereby minimizing your risk of loss or injury. Waiting also allows things, ideas and circumstances to mature or become better that they were, like with a good cheese or whine, or even an investment portfolio. I am sure the positive aspects of waiting are understood by us all!

The negative aspects of waiting are a lot more sinister, yet somehow intrinsically linked to their positive counterparts. We wait too long before apologizing or appreciating a loved one, we wait too long to buy that investment portfolio, or we wait too long to make challenging business calls.

It seems that one of the main motivations behind our inappropriate waiting is fear . A fear of pain or loss. If we analyze this further, we may realize that the fear is not really appropriate, and it may even be a habit!

Mastering the waiting game is nothing more that finding an appropriate balance between the positive and the negative aspects of waiting. This balance should allows us to exercise due caution and still allow us to act with the freedom we choose to get to where we want to be.

Assess yourself responsibly, wait smart and let waiting bring grace and balance into your life and let waiting accelerate you towards the fulfillment of your personal goals

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Anger

Anger is a very basic survival response. It is triggered when we don’t get what we want, when our expectation is not met. Anger is not a conscious decision, it is a response to circumstance. The physical action taken by the person in response to the anger response in most cases is premeditated, and as such said action is designed specifically to compensate for the expectation that was not met. The premeditated action is the payback …

I say that the response is premeditated because a conscious decision is taken by the individual immediately after the anger response to perform the action.

Observations made of clients with “anger management” issues have resulted in the conclusion that in the “anger management” cases that I have observed, the inability to control anger occurs when the individual is directing their physical and psychological response to someone or others who are perceived as being weaker than themselves. I have never observed a perpetrator directing their anger at a boss, bouncer, bodybuilder etc. The anger has always been directed at the dog, or child, or wife, or weaker person. One can therefor conclude that if the anger can be controlled by the person under certain circumstances, when their well binge may be compromised, that they consciously decide to direct their anger response at a consciously selected target.

If this action is externalised, it can be destructive to others, if it is internalised, it can be destructive to the individual. In all cases the action causes physical and psychological trauma in others. This trauma is the desired outcome for the person who is angry.

Before you lash out at a loved one, or berate yourself internally, take a look at our anger response, and ask yourself what it is that you did not receive.

What is the expectation that was not met that caused you to have your initial natural anger response?

Then ask yourself if the set of actions that you area bout to take against another or yourself is what you really want to do, and if it is appropriate for the achievement of your long term goals.

Take charge of your life, understand yourself and make a difference!

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What is Stress?

STRESS!

Have you noticed that all people around the world, irrespective of race, religion, culture or gender, struggle at times to understand and cope with that interesting response we call STRESS!

Stress is the modern term for the basic instinct all forms of life have – the will to survive. Stress is a chemical, hormonal response in the body and its only function is to keep you alive under extreme circumstances and points to a specific moment in time when an organisms perceived demands threatened to outweigh its perceived survival resources.

There are four simple concepts that help us understand stress.

  1. Stress is a unique, personal experience.

  2. Your stress is directly related to your perceived ability to cope in the moment.

  3. The stress response is triggered by your brain speed.

  4. Both real and imaginary events are presumed to be real by our subconscious mind.

The two main misconceptions of stress management are the belief that a therapist can some how erase a past stressful experience and by doing so bring the person back to their chosen equilibrium, and that there is a single simple solution to our stress response. This is completely wrong!

Once you have had an experience you cannot erase it as it becomes part of your memory. Memory is what you use to reference yourself in the future and helps you make decisions.

To manage your stress, you need to learn how to consciously and selectively isolate your awareness and in so doing regulate your past, current and future emotional response to the event. As you change how you see the stressful event, you are able to chose your responses to derive maximum benefit from the experience.

Fortunately, we as human beings can access, observe and direct our awareness easily and quickly.

The most important and effective way to observe your self and there by analyze and re frame your stress, is to suspend all judgment of yourself. Be firm but gentle with yourself and you will automatically start to make positive changes in your life.

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Relaxation

Self-awareness is not just relaxation and not just meditation. It must combine relaxation with activity and dynamism. Technology can aid that. Deepak Chopra

How is your hectic life going?

Are you achieving what you want to achieve?

Are you working harder?

When last did you kick back, have a laugh and relax?

We all know why we work so hard, why we are hamsters on the wheel of life – actually why do we all work so hard?

What is it that motivates you to get up and going every day?

Do you ever enjoy that goal achieved?

Have you ever thought that perhaps your goal of success, freedom, house, car or what ever it is can be experienced sooner than you may have anticipate

Try linking your relaxation activities to your goal and see how much more motivated you are, how much more refreshed you are or possibly even how you update and edit your goal to something more appropriate to who you are now.

If you are working towards a new car, book a test drive at your local dealership, or go in and chat to the sales people about the car, enjoy it for that moment. If you are striving for a new house or apartment, go and look at suitable houses on a show day, call an agent and talk about your dream home, enjoy it for a moment. If you are working towards an overseas holiday, do research on the place you would like to visit, add value to you future experience right now!

Never forget that what you do for work is not necessarily who you are. We work for money to allow us to function in society. We are unique individuals journeying though life as best we can!

Make a point this week to take yourself off to a movie, or go for coffee and a laugh with friends. Take care to switch you phone off for at least two hours once a week, or at the very least only answer important life and death calls.

We are here to experience and enjoy life, the good and the bad. Cherish that time you spend with yourself, allow yourself to relax and recharge – you are worth it!

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Boredom

To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom: it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do. Heraclitus

How many times have you said to yourself and to other people… “I am bored”

Have you ever asked yourself what boredom is?

Is boredom a permanent state of existence, or does it pass in time?

Boredom is just another emotion, created by a hormone release in our bodies. As such it has a specific purpose or function n our lives. What that function is however needs to be explored. If we can find the reason for the emotion, we can very quickly find the cause, and if we can find the cause, we can change the behaviour that is at the root of the emotional condition.

When we are bored, we no longer pay attention to what we are dong, things most likely have become routine. This routine is not that serious in most of our lives, but in a specific environment where full attention is required for survival, boredom can have very severe consequences. Imagine a heavy machinery operator becoming bored and not paying attention , or a seasoned airline pilot, or our primitive ancestors gathering berries, not paying attention to the predator that is sneaking up on them!

Boredom is a warning sign, it is a signal that we are not paying attention and as such our survival may be under threat.

To break out of boredom, we need to stress it!

Stress in a great motivator, and as such it is the opposite of boredom.

Take e moment to list when you are bored and what you are doing when you are bored. Identify the circumstances around your boredom. Then look at how and why your survival may be threatened by that boredom.

Once you have these two pieces of information you can then decide on an appropriate course fo action that will enhance your survival or the completion of your responsibility. This course of action should serve to challenge and entertain you AND fulfill your responsibility.

Use your boredom as a trigger, an emotion to propel you into an exciting future rather than a thing to hold you back!

 

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Procrastination

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. – Napoleon Hill

We all know what this is…

I doubt that there is one person alive who has not at some point in their lives procrastinated. That time when you did not really want to do something, but you knew that you had to, so you left it until later to do, then when it came round again for your attention,, you found something else trivial and unimportant to do instead of then thing you were supposed to be doing!

Yes, we have all been there!

Think back to the last time you procrastinated. Go to a moment tor two before you put off doing what ever it was that you were supposed to do. What was your emotion in that moment just before you gratefully decided to put something off?

Every action that we perform, be it good, bad, mundane, exciting or routine is specifically motivated by an expected result, and that expected result is motivated by an emotion of some sort.

As you observe that moment in time just before you procrastinated, you will find an emotion. I have just done this for myself. My issue was putting off cold calling clients to sell them my stress course. My emotions were FEAR, EXCITEMENT, ANTICIPATION.

Briefly analyse those emotions for yourself. For my issue, this is what I found;

FEAR – I was shy, did not want to be rejected, fear of failure.

EXCITEMENT – It is an emotional challenge to cold call people because if the un known and unexpected.

ANTICIPATION – I was anticipating the hormonal rush resulting from fear and excitement. If I fulfilled my task, I would no longer have that mini emotional high!

As soon as you have an understanding of why you feel a specific emotion or set of emotions causing your procrastination , you can use them in your favour or change them. I have decided to use the above information to schedule an hour a week to enjoy my emotions. This will motivate me to call more clients and close more sales, and I get the emotional rush!

Look at your life and see where you can use your procrastination to learn and grow!

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Courage

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Steve Jobs

How many of us have the courage to do the right thing?

What is the right thing?

How many of us listen to our heart?

How many of us feel free enough to do what ever it is that we want to do?

Take a moment to write down a single crazy freedom idea that has been lurking at the back of your mind.

Analyze this idea.

What is it?

What does this mean to you and why?

Is this your idea, desire or goal or is it someone else’s?

Why have you not achieved this yet?

What is holding you back?

If we observe great leaders either in industry or in society, we will find that the only thing that sets them apart from the rest of us is their ability to have the courage to do what ever it is that they dream of. In some cases, mostly in politics, the results of this courage is not very nice, but the undeniable fact remains the same. They had the courage to do what they wanted to do.

I always advise people to err on the side of caution when doing what they want when it is in relation to other peoples lives, and emotions, however by identifying the desire we are able to mold the implementation and mitigate any negative effects of our ideas.

This week, write down your responsibilities, those commitments that you have made to support your family friends and your responsibilities to work. Then write down what you dream of.

Have the courage to take a positive stop to upgrade your dreams and ideas, then have the courage to do something small towards the achievement of your desires.

You are on earth to be you. Have the courage to live it!

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