Tag Archives: self help

Procrastination

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. – Napoleon Hill

We all know what this is…

I doubt that there is one person alive who has not at some point in their lives procrastinated. That time when you did not really want to do something, but you knew that you had to, so you left it until later to do, then when it came round again for your attention,, you found something else trivial and unimportant to do instead of then thing you were supposed to be doing!

Yes, we have all been there!

Think back to the last time you procrastinated. Go to a moment tor two before you put off doing what ever it was that you were supposed to do. What was your emotion in that moment just before you gratefully decided to put something off?

Every action that we perform, be it good, bad, mundane, exciting or routine is specifically motivated by an expected result, and that expected result is motivated by an emotion of some sort.

As you observe that moment in time just before you procrastinated, you will find an emotion. I have just done this for myself. My issue was putting off cold calling clients to sell them my stress course. My emotions were FEAR, EXCITEMENT, ANTICIPATION.

Briefly analyse those emotions for yourself. For my issue, this is what I found;

FEAR – I was shy, did not want to be rejected, fear of failure.

EXCITEMENT – It is an emotional challenge to cold call people because if the un known and unexpected.

ANTICIPATION – I was anticipating the hormonal rush resulting from fear and excitement. If I fulfilled my task, I would no longer have that mini emotional high!

As soon as you have an understanding of why you feel a specific emotion or set of emotions causing your procrastination , you can use them in your favour or change them. I have decided to use the above information to schedule an hour a week to enjoy my emotions. This will motivate me to call more clients and close more sales, and I get the emotional rush!

Look at your life and see where you can use your procrastination to learn and grow!

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Your Ego

One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star.

G. K. Chesterton

What is your ego?

Have you ever observed the moment in time when your ego triggers?

Are you by any chance insecure or threatened in some what when your ego triggers…?

From this we can deduce that the famous gurus and spiritual teachers either only told us half the truth about ego, or that they have been conveniently miss interpreted. The goal of life is not to destroy the ego, the goal of life should be to befriend and cultivate the ego. Mold the ego into a positive survival force in our lives.

your ego is not a bad thing! The sole purpose of the ego is to keep you alive. It is an integral part of our subconscious, primitive survival response. Think of the ego as a viscous guard dog. You can either be afraid of the dog and regret times when the dog escapes and attacks people unnecessarily, or you can love the dog, feed it and care for it and enjoy the unquestioning loyalty of a beloved pet, knowing that the dog will protect you only when commanded to. The guard dog has no choice in the matter, it is just doing what it feels it needs to do to survive!

In most cases our ego triggers when we feel as if we have something to lose – either physical stuff, or social position, or our own sense of importance. The ego kicks in to try and prevent that loss. Remember that self worth, self identity and who we feel that we need to present ourselves as to the world out there are all integral aspects of the triggers that trip our individual ego responses. Each set of triggers and experiences are going to be unique to you.

To observe this and to start to choose more appropriate responses, try to implement the following;

  • When your ego triggers, back off for a moment and ask why?

  • Look for the physical thing that triggered the response (even being cut off in the traffic triggers an ego response!)

  • Ask yourself what you have to lose, or why you feel threatened in that space.

  • Is it actually important to you?

  • Why?

  • How would you like to respond in the future?

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Emotions

“Emotion is 24 times more powerful than logic!” Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus (1466 – 1536)

From the depths of despair to soaring on the wings of love, both wonderful and important feelings, but what causes them, where do they come from how can my body stay the same and my feelings change?

How can I feel strong and confident in one moment, then suddenly feel worthless and insecure, or go from happy to sad, or hate to love?

As Erasmus or Rotterdam figured out many years ago, our emotions and our feelings are the prime motivators in our lives. All of your decisions are enhanced and or motivated at some level by our emotions.

From a simple physiological perspective, emotions are a result of hormone secretion in our bodies, specifically our stress hormones. Hormones are caused to be secreted by things external to us. So, something happens in our world, our body reacts physically by secreting hormones which gear up our physical body for a response. At the same time, the hormones motivate us emotionally to follow through with our physical response. In other words, we are hard wired to pay more attention to our hormones than to our logic because sometimes in a survival situation, we will have to do things that defy logic!

If you observe your world, you will notice that institutions such as political parties, advertising agencies, religious institutions, conservation lobbies, and even private clubs or institutions all use emotion to re enforce your feeling of superiority, inferiority, caring, anger and even love. It is the only way that they can by pass your reasoning logical mind and convince you to follow their ideas, even if you don’t want to!

In the past I have been writing a lot about your world view, how you see yourself in your world and how you are responding to the circumstances presented to you. If you now observe your responses and look for the underlying emotional trigger, you will be able to see two things;

First you will see what emotion is being used to trigger the response, and second, you will see what it is within you, that strength or insecurity, that is being pandered to by the trigger.

Armed with these two pieces of self awareness, you can then re assess the appropriateness of your intended response and fine tune it to your expected outcome. You will be more consciously aware of yourself in your world and will be better able to make sound decisions that positively affect you.

Ask yourself;

 How am I feeling now?

What is that feeling?

Where does it come from?

What result do I want?

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Friendship

 

“Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name… And they’re always glad you came.”

Theme song from ‘Cheers’

“Norm!” every body shouts out!

Every time Norm enters the bar, he is welcomed by the same resounding chorus. Everybody in the pub are genuinely happy to see him! He is nothing special however, an average guy in an average bar doing an average job. His secret is consistency. He comes in at the same time each evening, sits on the same bar stool at the same corner of the bar and always orders the same beer. He is reliable, his advice is terrible, but he is there to give it. He listens.

What does “consistent Norm” represent?

He is an expression of our need for acceptance, for connection, of the desire to belong to something bigger than ourselves, a community to which we can contribute where we can find meaning in our own lives.

We humans are gregarious. Our self importance assures us that we are independent and self reliant, that we can go it alone, yet, like it of not, we do need the comfort of the herd. We naturally gravitate to what we know and like and there we interact with others like us. We form clubs, peer groups, lodges, societies, blogs, committees and gangs. We need each other more than we will often admit. We need to feel a connection with ourselves, with others and with something greater than us. We need to give and receive love, comfort and care. Without it, we get depressed, pine away and possibly die!

Now ask yourself;

Am I a friend or a rescuer?

Am I motivated by empathy or compassion?

Am I helping others to prove to myself that I am OK – if I can help them, then I must be OK… right?

Do I help because it makes me feel better, and do I let others help me so they can feel better?

 How often does accepting help make us feel weak, inadequate and inferior?

Society has taught us to be brave, to be strong, but in so doing it has disconnected us from the flow of life.

 Friendship is about mutual support. It is about giving and receiving. To have a friend, we need to be a friend. Go out into your world and enjoy the people in you life!

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Making Mistakes

“The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything”

Edward John Phelps (1822-1900)

We all know that horrible sinking feeling when your stomach clenches, your breathing becomes shallow, the muscles in your neck tighten, your world stops….

YOU got it WRONG!

YOU made a MISTAKE!

YOU are an instant FAILURE!

Hold on for a moment!

The very fact that most of us are walking around today simply means that we are the product of our mistakes. A baby does not learn to walk without first falling down frequently and often!

Each fall is a mistake. Yet society and our learned world view regards mistakes as failures and we have been conditioned to regard a mistake with such shame and horror that nothing short of sack cloth, ashes and immediate self abasement is sufficient to purge our souls, and even then we are obliged to berate ourselves for as long as possible, letting others steal our limelight, our confidence and our worth!

We learn by our mistakes. Many great inventions and advancements in technology are the result of trial and error. Simple things like the light bulb and flight are the result of mistakes being made and the inventors using those mistakes to move forward and solve problems.

The trick is not to make the same mistake more than once and to learn the valuable lesson offered from each mistake. True wisdom is the application of knowledge, and knowledge is assimilated and accumulated through the process of making mistakes!

It is the ability to learn from the mistakes of ourselves and others that enables us to progress in life, love or business.

Now how can we even consider that what went wrong can allow us to progress when we are constantly in fear of judgement of ourselves and others?

Pause for a moment to consider that in the moment, right now, you are just fine, that what ever is happening around you, either of your own making or as a response to others, right now, it is fine.

Be gentle with yourself!

Take a moment to pause, observe and chose your next course of action. In that moment of pause, ask yourself what you can do with what you have to take you to the next stage of your journey through life.

By understanding yourself in the moment, judgement is suspended and your personal clarity of thought and vision comes to the fore to teach and guide us.

Take some time this week to explore to review your life thus far:

  • What have been your most magnificent mistakes?
  • What are the lessons that you have learned from them?
  • What are the recurring misfortunes in your life?
  • What are the recurring mistakes causing these misfortunes?
  • What can you learn form your mistakes?

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November 13, 2013 · 8:52 am

Your HERO

Who is YOUR Hero?

“Behaviour that is admired is the path to power among people everywhere”

Beowulf

“I am Ripper… Tearer… Slasher… Gouger. I am the teeth in the darkness, the talons in the night. Mine is strength… and lust… and power! I am Beowulf!”

Beowulf

Us Humans are strange and complex creatures yet we are also incredibly simple creatures.

We love, feel, invent, create, and philosophise, yet we all seem to be programmed to seek out and follow a hero – some mythical figure who embodies everything that we perceive as good, powerful and inimical to our fears and adversaries, yet that powerful saviour and protector is darkness its self. An interwoven paradox of right and wrong, light and dark. The strange thing about a hero is that it is irrelevant if you love or hate the character, that hero has your attention!

This aspiration to emulate greatness has been both the rise and downfall of many. We seem to engage in a self regulating, society induced balancing game as we ride the roller-coaster of life. We strive to better ourselves in relation to our en-cultured society, and in turn our en-culturation and social structure destroys its old and adapts to our achievements. A phoenix constantly rising.

Who is your Hero, your role model?

Who do look up to and admire?

What in them do you want to emulate and why?

What’s in it for you?

Imagine for a moment that you – yes YOU, the person looking back at you while you clean your teeth in the morning, were that person, that hero that you so admire!

How would that feel?

What emotion do you feel in the moment of allowing yourself to be you own hero?

That insecurity, doubt, pride or joy is either holding you back or is the path for you to follow to your own greatness.

Observe, change, adapt and go out into the world as your own hero!

It is that easy!

 

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