Tag Archives: curing depression

Getting the Timing Right

How long did it take you to learn to ride a bicycle?

How many times did you fall off that bicycle before you got it right?

Why then do we expect that other areas of our lives will run smoothly and hassle free on the first try?

There are so many variables interacting and influencing our lives that is amazing that we get anything together at all!

It seems that the only way that we as humans can progress along a chosen path is to assess all the variables and order them in such a way that the transaction or set of actions progresses in a specific order to get us to our desired outcome. In most cases, if something goes wrong, the whole process stops and we have to re evaluate the order in which we placed the variables and try again. Success in life seems to be all about implementing the right formula with a compatible set of circumstances at the right time.

To get the timing right, you need to observe and be patient!

Observe the outcomes of your actions as they are today. Judge for yourself if the outcome is acceptable to you in relation to your expectation. If you are not satisfied, look at the actions that you took and see where your actions can be improved. Also look at the technology available and decide for yourself if you need to upgrade it or even adapt it to suit your purpose better. It is pointless inventing an iPod like device and not having access to suitable memory technology.

Don’t lose sight of your end goal. Be patient!

Allow other important variables to mature to a point where they are compatible and can add meaningful value to the action that you need to take to successfully achieve your goal.

In most cases you will notice that a lack of success is nothing more that a timing issue. Don’t be too hard on yourself, re assess your actions and try again!

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Filed under anger management, positive thinking, self help, Stress Management and Life Coaching

Feeling Down

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward

So, we are all human, fallible and doing the best that we know how to do to survive. We all have good days and bad days and in most cases we remember the extremes of the highs and lows, some of us even go to therapy to try and understand the lows and try to eradicate them – but what is the point of all of this emotion or feeling?

No one but ourselves and possibly a significant other even has time to notice how we are feeling, so why do we have these extremes of emotion at all?

What is the end goal?

What is in it for us?

Emotions, being the result of complex hormonal releases in the body, which themselves are a response to external physical or internal thought stimuli, seem to be some form of mechanism which we use to learn, grow and gauge our behaviour or performance in relation to both those around us and our personal expectation of ourselves.

As best as you can, observe your internal dialogue, see if your thought process is harmonising with your goals in life. If there is a conflict in this thought process, observe the difference between what is being thought and expected, and the actual expected reality of the outcome of the physical path that you are on.

Once you have observed this, our subconscious automatically starts to bring our thoughts and actions back into harmony. This process will bring about achievement of physical material goals, but not necessarily a completion and satisfaction of our emotional goals.

The only tool that I have found so far that enables me to break the feeling of “being down” is the concept of gratitude. Not the gratitude that is forced upon us by a well meaning parent…”You had better eat all your vegetables because they are expensive, I worked hard to be able to afford to buy them for you and there are starving people in the world who are not a lucky as you are to have the opportunity to eat these kind of vegetables in the first place!”

Rather, gratitude that you can cultivate by saying “thank you”, for example, to the man or woman who served you the soda at a fast food place. In that thank you, for that moment, be grateful for everything that has brought you to the point of purchasing a soda – all the people who worked to produce it, mine the minerals that make up the container, the transport people and the people who created transport machines, the person serving you the product, what they had to do to get up early, get to work, do what ever is required to bring them to that point to pass you the soda…

The simple act of gratitude allows us to emotionally upgrade ourselves, to bring us to a state of balance and wisdom from where we can consolidate and move forward with peace, strength and confidence.

Thank you!


Filed under Stress Management and Life Coaching


Your depression is connected to your insolence and refusal to praise.


WOW – that’s a hardcore statement!

As a therapist, I have often been told that I am blunt, and to the point. I refuse to see a client more than four or possibly five times regarding the same issue!

As such this statement of Rumi’s above resonates well with me and my approach. Lets explore it further.

“Insolence and refusal to praise” Up until now, I had not considered these concepts at all in my understanding of depression. The root cause of depression is anger that has been repressed and internalized. It naturally follows that anger breeds “insolence and refusal to praise”!

Where does your anger come from?

Anger is an emotion that is caused by the secretion of a specific mix of your stress hormones. As such it is the result, or the response to something out side of you. If we observe anger, we will soon notice that it is the result of an expectation that we have not been able to meet.

Ask yourself quickly what that expectation of yourself is. Where does it come from and why do you think that you need to meet it. In most cases, our expectations of ourselves and our behaviour come from society, parents, belief systems, and pier groups.

Take a long, hard look at that expectation. Decide right now if that expectation is appropriate for you today. If it is appropriate, make a point of achieving it. If it is not appropriate, let it go.

once you have gone through this simple process, read Rumi’s statement again… Insolence and inability to praise. The insolence should be diminished, and it will be easy to praise because your anger is no longer holding you back.

Depression is endemic in our societies today because of the unrealistic expectations that we have accepted in our lives. Make a point of breaking that expectation cycle by firstly following your anger to the core of who you are, and secondly by doing something simple every day to make yourself feel good – this could be as simple as making a stranger smile on the bus in the morning!

Go try it – I dare you!





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Filed under Stress Management and Life Coaching