“The Lord helps those who help themselves”
Don’t you hate it when people lord this phrase over you?
I tend to immediately go on the defensive with phrases like “if only….” or “I’m trying”
Taking a long hard look at the basic fundamentals of life, I soon realised that there are so many variables to consider, so many different possibilities and interconnected options, the “if only…” reason is immediately invalidated. “If only…” is only a possibility once the action or outcome has occurred. The outcome is then not liked or accepted. This position of dislike is used as the premise for the “if only”. It can not therefore be used as an excuse for anything!
The essence of life is survival. “I’m trying” has no influence what so ever on our survival. We either survive or we don not, there is no trying involved at all, just decisive action. This seems to be a hard core, blunt observation, but it extrapolates out into every single thing that we do in our lives. We can not try to do things like eating, driving, loving or typing. We either do them, or we do not. The very first time that you got behind a steering wheel of a car and engaged the gears, you were driving… possibly not very well, but driving none the less.
Everything in life is a combination of our decisions and our actions. We decide something and then take the necessary action to achieve the desired outcome. To do this, we need to be able to analyse our environment, to anticipate possible outcomes, understand the personal responsibility that we have in those outcomes, and then to have the courage to take decisive action. No matter how subtle or complicated life becomes, this core principle holds true. Observation, anticipation, responsibility, action.
Look at your life and circumstances, take responsibility for where you are right now. Decide where you would like to be, be courageous and take decisive action to get you on the path to your success!
Anger is a very basic survival response. It is triggered when we don’t get what we want, when our expectation is not met. Anger is not a conscious decision, it is a response to circumstance. The physical action taken by the person in response to the anger response in most cases is premeditated, and as such said action is designed specifically to compensate for the expectation that was not met. The premeditated action is the payback …
I say that the response is premeditated because a conscious decision is taken by the individual immediately after the anger response to perform the action.
Observations made of clients with “anger management” issues have resulted in the conclusion that in the “anger management” cases that I have observed, the inability to control anger occurs when the individual is directing their physical and psychological response to someone or others who are perceived as being weaker than themselves. I have never observed a perpetrator directing their anger at a boss, bouncer, bodybuilder etc. The anger has always been directed at the dog, or child, or wife, or weaker person. One can therefor conclude that if the anger can be controlled by the person under certain circumstances, when their well binge may be compromised, that they consciously decide to direct their anger response at a consciously selected target.
If this action is externalised, it can be destructive to others, if it is internalised, it can be destructive to the individual. In all cases the action causes physical and psychological trauma in others. This trauma is the desired outcome for the person who is angry.
Before you lash out at a loved one, or berate yourself internally, take a look at our anger response, and ask yourself what it is that you did not receive.
What is the expectation that was not met that caused you to have your initial natural anger response?
Then ask yourself if the set of actions that you area bout to take against another or yourself is what you really want to do, and if it is appropriate for the achievement of your long term goals.
Take charge of your life, understand yourself and make a difference!