Tag Archives: anger management

Adding Value

Here is an interesting concept!

The only purpose we have in life is to add value…

I have been toying with the idea of the meaning of life – heavy philosophical stuff you may think, but a perfectly natural occurrence or all of us, and I have observed that the only constant that permeates through out the whole of our existence, and in all spheres of our existence is the concept of value. The basic premise is;

How much value do I need to add to get the value I want out?

“RUBBISH, never – I am not that superficial, I’m a good person!” you may shout and you will be 100% correct, but (don’t you just hate those but’s?) the very concept of being a good person and striving to do your best is an act of adding value for a particular gain, even if the gain is just the satisfaction of facing responsibility, or the satisfaction of helping, or even experiencing religious reverence.

As a simple illustration, ask yourself;

Why do you shop at X store, or are friends with X person?

Because at some level the perceived value of your engagement with the store or the person adds value to your life.

Another aspect of this thought process occurs when you feel as if you are unable to perform a task, or to help someone. You feel bad, insecure, or embarrassed because you feel as if you are not able to add the necessary expected value.

The amount of perceived value that we add to life is directly responsible for how we feel about ourselves and our self worth.

I encourage you this week to go out there and add as much value to your customers, co workers, family and any other circumstance that you may find yourself in. Even in difficult circumstances, be firm and add value!

In so doing, everyone that you come into contact with has a better opportunity to thrive, and you have the opportunity to feel valued.

Humanity is a wonderful and complicated interconnection of “customer support” in which we play a crucial role, so go out there and be valuable and have fun!

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Filed under anger management, depression, freedom, helping others

Freedom to be Yourself

Have you ever noticed that everyone but you seems to have their “act together”- that you look into others perfection and see your own miserable self reflected right back at you, then in a cacophony of safe insecurity you hit your bottom, bounce, and present that brave face, that arrogant smirk, that clubs that self righteous junk right back at those looking into your own miserable yet “I got my act together” veneer of perfection?

Have you ever sat at the feet of yet another self absorbed guru (like there is any other kind) and secretly wondered, while gaga grinning in inner peace, what it would be like if gaga grinning guru here were to self immolate, spontaneously, now, so that while he sizzled and greased up the floor with his holy oil, you could ease the cramp in your back, legs, bum and toes, that was gifted to you by the personal enlightenment pose of the now fast reducing master?

Have you ever instinctively felt that there was something out there, something greater than you, but have been unable to extract yourself form the whirlwind drama of life to look around to see what exactly it is that is disturbing your everyday mundane perfection?

Have you ever considered that you are prefect as you are?

Remember that what we do for a living is not who we are – it is an important and complex interpersonal and social means to a financial end. It is important to understand and work in harmony with those around us, but that title and position, no matter how lofty or lowly, is not you. It is just a transitory position in your journey through life.

While you are facing the responsibilities of life, don’t forget to take some time to be yourself – even if it means putting a picture of a dragon or a fairy on your desktop!

Always remember that you are unique, perfect whole and complete as you are – you are free to be you whenever you choose.

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Filed under being present, depression, freedom, ptsd

Day Dreaming

Remember those days as a child when the world was filled with possibility?

When a few bricks and a piece of card became a pirate ship or a space ship?

When there was no doubt in your mind that your newly imagined pirate ship could take you on an infinite adventure and that you would always be victorious!

You were always perfect in your own world.

Day dreaming is a unique behaviour that allows us to safely yet realistically explore possibility. It is closely linked to fantasy and the exploration there of, and a lot of our day dreaming may incorporate a large amount of fantasy. What day dreaming serves to do is to assimilate external experience and other peoples ideas , experiences and concepts into a single imaginary event which we then experience form our own unique perspective.

Day dreaming is a natural way of conditioning your subconscious mind to find something acceptable or unacceptable and there buy creating space or managing space in your life for the actual experience. There is also very little judgement of self or others in a day dream, and are few limitations to the imagined experience. By paying attention to our day dreams, deep insights can be gained into your self , motivations and expectations as well as into more negative areas of your personal limitations and inhibitions.

One can also re analyse trauma and other stress events in a day dream which allows us to create just the required degree of emotional separation for you from that event so we can cope better and eventually become stronger.

Dare to dream, indulge in that fantasy for a moment and alloy your mind to fine tune your experience in this wonderful reality!

What would it be like if…………?

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Filed under Stress Management and Life Coaching

Being More Efficient

We all want to do more, get more, achieve more….

But if we could allocate more time to X project, we would!

Most of us have already committed 100% of our valuable time to existing tasks at hand, so how do we grow our business, career and even social selves?

Have you ever played one of those slide the pieces puzzle games where you have to shuffle pieces around to get from A to B?

Becoming more efficient is a process just like that, we have to prioritise and schedule tasks in such a way so as to get all our stuff done and free up more time.

The best way to do this is to prioritise things in your life.

It is a given that you have responsibility to your family, friends and work, and would not jeopardise any of those. All we need to do is get the order right!

I like to divide my areas of influence into three categories.

  1. Drop everything and run emergency response

  2. Important to attend to before everything else

  3. Not so important, but needs attention

See if you can categorise all areas of your life into similar categories – for the family area in my life, children are 1, siblings and parents 2, others 3. For work, imminent deadlines 1, next weeks projects 2, yearly goals 3. Even vehicle maintenance can be categorised in this way – a cam-belt replacement would be 1, then a service and tyres 2, then air-conditioner re-gas 3.

We are always going to have to deal with a curve ball or two, but if we can re calibrate ourselves regularly and re focus, we will become more efficient, more pro active, less reactive and more in charge of our lives.

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Filed under Stress Management and Life Coaching

Speed-bumps and Potholes

Speed-bumps and Potholes

Have you ever been cruising comfortably through life, everything going according to plan when suddenly BAM!

You hit a speed-bump or pothole and your well made plans are lying in tatters at your feet leaving you struggling to cope?

Logically we know that life is carrying on, that we are alive and coping, but things are no longer working out as planned and the feelings of joy, happiness and freedom have gone!

In this type of situation, it is vital to keep our perspective flexible and mobile. We need to be able to quickly and efficiently zoom our perspective into and out of the situation and its results that are being currently experienced. Try this zooming for a moment.

Select a small problem that you are experiencing. Focus on the minute details of it, then imagine yourself zooming out and seeing you problem in relation to your co-workers, your family, your neighbourhood or even further out if you can.

Did you notice how the perceived severity of your problem changes?

This fluidity of perspective allows us to gain different understandings of the situation and there by enables us to make better decisions about what we need to do to regain our comfortable cruising along equilibrium.

Once our perspective begins to shift, we are able to make informed and good decisions and we should usually feel empowered enough to take decisive action to get ourselves back into equilibrium.

Remember to check your spare wheel occasionally…. always be aware of your financial, moral and emotional situation and use your speed-bumps and potholes to slow you down enough to prevent yourself over committing to things that may not be necessary or appropriate for you in you life as it is now.

Speed-bumps and potholes are a wonderful way for us to slow down, take stock of our position, appreciate what we have and move decisively into our future!

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Filed under anger management, depression, helping others, Stress Management and Life Coaching

Talking to People

What is life all about?

What is the one thing that we have to do all the time?

How do we get ahead in our business careers, personal and spiritual lives?

The only answer to these questions is – Talking to People!

I had the morning off yesterday and I had some business to do at my local police station. I always dread going to a government office because of the perceived inefficiency, corruption and other horror stories which I am sure are more urban legends than general common experience!

I decided, as I was parking my car, to see how many people I could talk to. Not just ask questions about what I wanted to know, but actually engage with people, talk to them as fellow humans.

My experience was astounding!

I discussed the merits of drinking hot water with ginger, mint and lemon instead of coffee and tea to help people who are reporting traumatic incidents. An old and wise sergeant debated the stages of a personal relationship as his father taught it to him – in depth insights on infatuation, love, parenting and friendship. The cashier lady discussed concepts of honesty and integrity that they encourage at that station and how that has helped her teenage children, and I sat in on an impromptu lesson given to patrol officers by a private security officer on how to approach a suspicious vehicle!

Who would have thought that there was such a depth and diversity of knowledge and human experience at a simple community police station?

What other human insights are out there that we miss in the hustle and bustle of our daily grind?

As best you can, take some time to talk to the humans around you. You will be surprised at the depth and value that will be added to your life!

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Filed under depression, Stress Management and Life Coaching

Looking Deeper

Rank is but a Guinea Stamp, the man himself s the gold” Rudyard Kipling or Robert Burns

An interesting line from a piece of poetry called The Tyler’s Toast. I have heard that line many many times yet I never really listened to the words. Suddenly, the other day, while sitting in the blackout induced traffic, this very line started to repeat again and again in my mind. It made so much sense!

If we look around us at the economic and political turmoil, at the success and suffering of others on this wonderful planet of ours, one single truth stands out. That truth is; success, wealth, servitude and suffering are totally irrelevant to who we are. Our unique identity is encapsulated in the outer veneer of human experience.

During my time trading in Africa and the four years I spend exposed to incredible township poverty as a Twasa, I noticed that a lot of the time the people who have a huge impact on others are themselves experiencing that same discomfort or reduced circumstance as their peers, yet they choose to make a difference. I could fill your hard drive of cases like the old lady who turned her shack into a refuge for homeless old people, the high school children who took it upon themselves to teach the younger children when their teachers were on strike, the car guard who helps an elderly woman into her new BMW, the family who pays for their domestic workers education or the business man who buys the petrol attendant a cool drink on a hot day.

The next time you are having a bad day, when things are not going as you planned, take a moment to look around you, look at random people from all walks of life and social status and fantasize. Think of the possibilities of the good that they are quietly doing in the world. Scratch the surface in your imagination and see the children of the trash collector having supper, or the farmer in his bakkie collecting medication for a farm worker, the person next to you in the traffic with a surprise sweet or magazine for their child or loved one. Look around and enjoy the wonderful quirky nature of humanity and see if you can make a difference in your life by making a difference in some one else’s.

A simple smile can go a long way to helping us all have a better day!

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Filed under Stress Management and Life Coaching