Category Archives: positive thinking

Getting the Timing Right

How long did it take you to learn to ride a bicycle?

How many times did you fall off that bicycle before you got it right?

Why then do we expect that other areas of our lives will run smoothly and hassle free on the first try?

There are so many variables interacting and influencing our lives that is amazing that we get anything together at all!

It seems that the only way that we as humans can progress along a chosen path is to assess all the variables and order them in such a way that the transaction or set of actions progresses in a specific order to get us to our desired outcome. In most cases, if something goes wrong, the whole process stops and we have to re evaluate the order in which we placed the variables and try again. Success in life seems to be all about implementing the right formula with a compatible set of circumstances at the right time.

To get the timing right, you need to observe and be patient!

Observe the outcomes of your actions as they are today. Judge for yourself if the outcome is acceptable to you in relation to your expectation. If you are not satisfied, look at the actions that you took and see where your actions can be improved. Also look at the technology available and decide for yourself if you need to upgrade it or even adapt it to suit your purpose better. It is pointless inventing an iPod like device and not having access to suitable memory technology.

Don’t lose sight of your end goal. Be patient!

Allow other important variables to mature to a point where they are compatible and can add meaningful value to the action that you need to take to successfully achieve your goal.

In most cases you will notice that a lack of success is nothing more that a timing issue. Don’t be too hard on yourself, re assess your actions and try again!

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Turning “Hype” to Advantage

Through history masses of people have been lead, slave like, by charismatic and or eloquent people to do or change things that the charismatic or eloquent people want changed. In most cases this action goes contrary to what is both logical and in the interests of the people being lead or prompted to action.

The three areas of our social engagement that top the list of this type of behaviour are sport, politics and belief systems.

Why are these three social structures so powerful when it comes to moulding and leading masses of people?

As human beings, we like to associate with or perpetuate what we know and are comfortable with. Because of this we will naturally gravitate towards supporting our local team, then our country team. If we have had a profoundly good religious experience, we will go back to that place where we had that experience. We attend a political rally and our frustrations are addressed by believable rhetoric that makes us feel empowered in that moment.

This type of action creates a comfort zone of familiarity for us where we no longer need to engage our defense mechanisms, we feel good in a group that is familiar, and we feel safe. We there for tend to suspend the degree of critical thinking that would cause us to question our experiences. Taken to an extreme, the collective that we are now part of sees any critical thinking as a threat, and we ostracise the individuals who are questioning. We label them unpatriotic, sell-outs, heretics or similar.

To deepen an understanding of yourselves and you experience of life, I urge you to question your comfort zones – don’t destroy them, but rather identify them and understand the value that they are adding to your life. This will allow you to gracefully mould and adapt them, instead of the comfort zones moulding and adapting you!

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melancholy madness

“…there was a rattling and a trembling all day long, and where the piston of the steam-engine worked monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness.” Charles Dickens – Hard Times

Wake up early, rush through ablutions, possibly have breakfast or a cup of tea or coffee, sit for hours in traffic, plonk down in your office chair, feel the pressure build until you reach your optimum efficiency, work , work ,work, lunch on the go, more work, back in the traffic, home, cooking, cleaning, house chores, evening ablutions, sleep, REPEAT….

How many of us can relate to a daily routine similar to this?

How do we remain focused and inspired every normal day?

It is very easy for me as a “coach” to jump up on to the stage of your life and say;

WOW!!!!

Every one stand up and stretch and take a deep breath!

Close your eyes and imagine your self living your passion!

WOW!!!!

How fun is that?

Now go out and do it!

Your body responds as follows;

Excitement, a mild stress response heightening your awareness, Stretching and breathing adds oxygen to your system helping to relax your muscles, linked to the positive emotions of visualizing your passion and hey presto! – you feel great and inspired right there in the seminar!

How do we maintain this motivation over time to get us to where we want to be?

The first step is to decide where you want to be. Look back at the vision that you imagined in the above mentioned example. Allow your imagination to be totally free. Populate that vision with as much detail as possible. Feel yourself in that space and ask yourself if this is what you actually want, or is this a fun fantasy. Both these outcomes are acceptable, but for now we need to decide if these goals are real and attainable, and if they are not, we need to see how we can insert smaller “way station” or sub-goals to lead us into our expectation.

Once you have some sub-goals in place, review your imagined journey to your goal and take some time to edit and smooth the rout as best as you can. Intentionally associate these sub-goals with your main goal and structure a simple affirmation around it. repeat that affirmation to yourself while you are commuting every day or while you are driving between clients. Make a point of repeating this affirmation at least 40 times a day. Once a week, observe your progress and fine tune your vision as required.

Success is a state of constant progress along and intended path, it is not a destination, so observe your changes and you will see your success grow and mature.

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Wisdom

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

Confucius

A dictionary defines wisdom as an experience when knowledge has brought about right action.

From this we can conclude that we are all wise because there is some knowledge that is unique to us that has prompted some form of right action from us which we have experienced.

It seems to be a habit in the Western world to look outside of ourselves to attain wisdom. The reason for this is that we all aspire to greatness in our own way, and in so doing, we look to others to guide us on our path. This seems to be the second step mentioned above in the quotation by Confucius. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this method, but I want to challenge you to take things a step further, let’s push ourselves out of our comfort zone for a moment.

Lets be noble and bitter at the same time!

Take a moment to reflect on the unique knowledge that you have. Look for simple every day things to start with and allow your reflection to expand out to greater understandings and concepts that you have. Make a note of these things. After 20 minutes or so, I bet you will be amazed at how much unique knowledge you actually have.

Now look at those notes that you took. Start at the top of the list and understand or recollect what course of action brought you to that knowledge. This may or may not be “bitter”, in fact you will probably find that there are predominantly good and happy chains of events that lead up to your acquisition of knowledge.

We are all infinitely wise in our own lives. take courage and share some of yourself and your wisdom with others where appropriate. Allow yourself to be the motivation for others journey to wisdom!

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Being Present

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment” Buddha (enlightened person)

How much time have you spent today thinking about what could be?

How much of that future daydream was taken up by good or bad thoughts, which one predominated?

Is this what you want to experience now?

How much of your time today was spent thinking about what has been, or what could have been?

How much of that past daydream was taken up by good or bad thoughts, which one predominated?

Is this what you want to experience now?

How many of us actually have tried experiencing the moment?

How wonderful is that experience of feeling the warm sun on your back while you take a break while working outdoors, or savouring that first sip of tea or coffee, eyes closed to the world just enjoying that single moment, or snuggling down into a warm bed after a hard stressful days work?

These moments of pure freedom, pure bliss, pure at-one-ness with one’s self are what the sages of the ages have been talking about. Yes, we all need to understand our past experiences and yes, we all need to have a goal for our future, BUT all we actually have in our lives is a long string of ever expanding and interconnecting single moments in time.

The best part of understanding this concept is the realisation that only you have the power and resources to control how you feel in any given moment. You choose to feel good, bad, angry, sad, happy or what ever it is. Your emotions are a result of an experience in your past, your emotions are a hormonal response to an external trigger that has triggered that hormonal release. The hormonal trigger has already happened and now resides in your past, leaving your present open for a decision that will most likely determine how you will feel in the near future.

A simple trick is to do things in reverse!

Decide right now how you would like to feel in a few moments time, then follow a course of physical action that will bring about that feeling. In this way, by focusing on your present right now, you can make better decisions about your future. If you don’t have the power and understanding of your now moment, you will not have a starting point for your future.

Listen to the advice of the Buddha and become the sage in your own life!

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Why Wait?

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

You have got an ides of where you want to be – so why are you not there?

Why wait?

Go out and do what ever it is that you need to do to get you to where you want to be. Easy as that!

Why do we wait?

Waiting has both positive and negative aspects to it. Some of the positive aspects are thst waiting allows you to re assess important decisions thereby minimizing your risk of loss or injury. Waiting also allows things, ideas and circumstances to mature or become better that they were, like with a good cheese or whine, or even an investment portfolio. I am sure the positive aspects of waiting are understood by us all!

The negative aspects of waiting are a lot more sinister, yet somehow intrinsically linked to their positive counterparts. We wait too long before apologizing or appreciating a loved one, we wait too long to buy that investment portfolio, or we wait too long to make challenging business calls.

It seems that one of the main motivations behind our inappropriate waiting is fear . A fear of pain or loss. If we analyze this further, we may realize that the fear is not really appropriate, and it may even be a habit!

Mastering the waiting game is nothing more that finding an appropriate balance between the positive and the negative aspects of waiting. This balance should allows us to exercise due caution and still allow us to act with the freedom we choose to get to where we want to be.

Assess yourself responsibly, wait smart and let waiting bring grace and balance into your life and let waiting accelerate you towards the fulfillment of your personal goals

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Pain

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

Khalil Gibran

“The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That’s what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they’ll go through the pain no matter what happens.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Wow!
Interesting that two very different people, Khalil Gibran and Arnold Schwartzenegger, in their own way come to the same understanding of a simple everyday thing called pain!

most of us feel two different types of pain. The first type is physical – you have an injury and your body feels pain. The second type is emotional pain – a harsh word, a relationship break up, anything that happens that is not physical where the response is emotional pain.

It is interesting to observe that once a person has been through and overcome a certain amount of both of there types of pain, they seem to be stronger, wiser and better off for the experience.

What is it within each one of us that fortifies us in the face of pain, allows us to feel the depths of pain that we never thought imaginable and then pushes us through and out the other side?
It seems as if this painful tempering process isn’t only part of our humanness, but that it is an essential part in our emotional any physical learning and maturing process.

Identify the source of your pain. If it is physical, deal with it appropriately. Never forget that pain is the body’s way of drawing your attention to any part of the body that is injured or not functioning at its best.
If you are experiencing emotional pain, identify the emotion, then look deeper within yourself to the cause of that emotion. Find out what caused the disharmony. What were you expecting the outcome to be, and how does that outcome differ from what you are now experiencing?
As best as you can, observe the situation as a learning experience and decide how you can upgrade and update your expectations to bring about a more harmonious result the next time.

It is a very good idea to write this all down. Writing serves to lessen our emotional response, and forces us to order our thoughts. Writing effectively stops the emotional roller-coaster in its tracks and allows us to observe for the moment.

Have courage, embrace your pain, understand it and allow yourself to heal stronger and wiser.

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Filed under anger management, depression, emotional pain, pain, positive thinking, self help, Stress Management and Life Coaching