Anger is a very basic survival response. It is triggered when we don’t get what we want, when our expectation is not met. Anger is not a conscious decision, it is a response to circumstance. The physical action taken by the person in response to the anger response in most cases is premeditated, and as such said action is designed specifically to compensate for the expectation that was not met. The premeditated action is the payback …
I say that the response is premeditated because a conscious decision is taken by the individual immediately after the anger response to perform the action.
Observations made of clients with “anger management” issues have resulted in the conclusion that in the “anger management” cases that I have observed, the inability to control anger occurs when the individual is directing their physical and psychological response to someone or others who are perceived as being weaker than themselves. I have never observed a perpetrator directing their anger at a boss, bouncer, bodybuilder etc. The anger has always been directed at the dog, or child, or wife, or weaker person. One can therefor conclude that if the anger can be controlled by the person under certain circumstances, when their well binge may be compromised, that they consciously decide to direct their anger response at a consciously selected target.
If this action is externalised, it can be destructive to others, if it is internalised, it can be destructive to the individual. In all cases the action causes physical and psychological trauma in others. This trauma is the desired outcome for the person who is angry.
Before you lash out at a loved one, or berate yourself internally, take a look at our anger response, and ask yourself what it is that you did not receive.
What is the expectation that was not met that caused you to have your initial natural anger response?
Then ask yourself if the set of actions that you area bout to take against another or yourself is what you really want to do, and if it is appropriate for the achievement of your long term goals.
Take charge of your life, understand yourself and make a difference!