Monthly Archives: June 2014


Your depression is connected to your insolence and refusal to praise.


WOW – that’s a hardcore statement!

As a therapist, I have often been told that I am blunt, and to the point. I refuse to see a client more than four or possibly five times regarding the same issue!

As such this statement of Rumi’s above resonates well with me and my approach. Lets explore it further.

“Insolence and refusal to praise” Up until now, I had not considered these concepts at all in my understanding of depression. The root cause of depression is anger that has been repressed and internalized. It naturally follows that anger breeds “insolence and refusal to praise”!

Where does your anger come from?

Anger is an emotion that is caused by the secretion of a specific mix of your stress hormones. As such it is the result, or the response to something out side of you. If we observe anger, we will soon notice that it is the result of an expectation that we have not been able to meet.

Ask yourself quickly what that expectation of yourself is. Where does it come from and why do you think that you need to meet it. In most cases, our expectations of ourselves and our behaviour come from society, parents, belief systems, and pier groups.

Take a long, hard look at that expectation. Decide right now if that expectation is appropriate for you today. If it is appropriate, make a point of achieving it. If it is not appropriate, let it go.

once you have gone through this simple process, read Rumi’s statement again… Insolence and inability to praise. The insolence should be diminished, and it will be easy to praise because your anger is no longer holding you back.

Depression is endemic in our societies today because of the unrealistic expectations that we have accepted in our lives. Make a point of breaking that expectation cycle by firstly following your anger to the core of who you are, and secondly by doing something simple every day to make yourself feel good – this could be as simple as making a stranger smile on the bus in the morning!

Go try it – I dare you!



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Quotation from Sucker Punch

Every one has an angel,
A guardian who watches over us.
We can’t know what form they will take,
One day and old man, the next day a little girl,
But don’t let appearances fool you,
They can be as fierce as any dragon.
Yet they are not here to fight our battles,
But to whisper from our hearts,
Reminding that it is us, it is every one of us
That holds the power over the world that we create.

And finally this question, the mystery, of whose story it will be,
Of who draws the curtain.
Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance?
Who drives us mad, lashes us with whips,
And crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible?
Who is it that does all these things?
Who honours those we love for the very life we live?
Who sends monsters to kill us, and at the same time
Thinks that we will never die?
Who teaches us what’s real, and how to laugh at life?
Who decides why we live, and what we will die to defend?
Who chains us, and who holds the key that can set us free?

It is YOU – you have all the weapons you need…

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A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires.Marcus Aurelius

Why do we all get up in the morning, eat breakfast, go to work, wish we were on holiday, go home and repeat it all over again?

What motivates us to do this?

What do we dream of?

Are we aspiring to some lofty ideal, or any ideal, or are we just in the grind?

Look back at your life. Take note of significant achievements that you have had in your life so far.

What motivated you to achieve that particular thing?

How did you feel when you set that goal?

How did you feel when you attained the goal?

How much hardship and adversity did you overcome to get where you are today?

Notice that even if you are stuck in a seemingly monotonous grind, you are actually aspiring for greatness in your own life. You are progressing and achieving things that you may not even be aware of! Once you see that aspiration for what it is, it is then easy to fine tune our goals and dreams, to move beyond ambition, and in fact use ambition as a motivator to find our own greatness.

Take some time to reassess who you are. Spend a few days consolidating your position in life, assess your debt, your relationship, your job. Then find something that you want to aspire to, go on be daring, dream big, put it out there and go get it!


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To do the same thing over and over again is not only boredom: it is to be controlled by rather than to control what you do. Heraclitus

How many times have you said to yourself and to other people… “I am bored”

Have you ever asked yourself what boredom is?

Is boredom a permanent state of existence, or does it pass in time?

Boredom is just another emotion, created by a hormone release in our bodies. As such it has a specific purpose or function n our lives. What that function is however needs to be explored. If we can find the reason for the emotion, we can very quickly find the cause, and if we can find the cause, we can change the behaviour that is at the root of the emotional condition.

When we are bored, we no longer pay attention to what we are dong, things most likely have become routine. This routine is not that serious in most of our lives, but in a specific environment where full attention is required for survival, boredom can have very severe consequences. Imagine a heavy machinery operator becoming bored and not paying attention , or a seasoned airline pilot, or our primitive ancestors gathering berries, not paying attention to the predator that is sneaking up on them!

Boredom is a warning sign, it is a signal that we are not paying attention and as such our survival may be under threat.

To break out of boredom, we need to stress it!

Stress in a great motivator, and as such it is the opposite of boredom.

Take e moment to list when you are bored and what you are doing when you are bored. Identify the circumstances around your boredom. Then look at how and why your survival may be threatened by that boredom.

Once you have these two pieces of information you can then decide on an appropriate course fo action that will enhance your survival or the completion of your responsibility. This course of action should serve to challenge and entertain you AND fulfill your responsibility.

Use your boredom as a trigger, an emotion to propel you into an exciting future rather than a thing to hold you back!


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Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday. – Napoleon Hill

We all know what this is…

I doubt that there is one person alive who has not at some point in their lives procrastinated. That time when you did not really want to do something, but you knew that you had to, so you left it until later to do, then when it came round again for your attention,, you found something else trivial and unimportant to do instead of then thing you were supposed to be doing!

Yes, we have all been there!

Think back to the last time you procrastinated. Go to a moment tor two before you put off doing what ever it was that you were supposed to do. What was your emotion in that moment just before you gratefully decided to put something off?

Every action that we perform, be it good, bad, mundane, exciting or routine is specifically motivated by an expected result, and that expected result is motivated by an emotion of some sort.

As you observe that moment in time just before you procrastinated, you will find an emotion. I have just done this for myself. My issue was putting off cold calling clients to sell them my stress course. My emotions were FEAR, EXCITEMENT, ANTICIPATION.

Briefly analyse those emotions for yourself. For my issue, this is what I found;

FEAR – I was shy, did not want to be rejected, fear of failure.

EXCITEMENT – It is an emotional challenge to cold call people because if the un known and unexpected.

ANTICIPATION – I was anticipating the hormonal rush resulting from fear and excitement. If I fulfilled my task, I would no longer have that mini emotional high!

As soon as you have an understanding of why you feel a specific emotion or set of emotions causing your procrastination , you can use them in your favour or change them. I have decided to use the above information to schedule an hour a week to enjoy my emotions. This will motivate me to call more clients and close more sales, and I get the emotional rush!

Look at your life and see where you can use your procrastination to learn and grow!




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