Monthly Archives: January 2014

Expectation

“I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine.” Bruce Lee

What is expectation?

Expectation (noun) – A strong belief that something will happen or be the case. A belief that someone will or should achieve something. (Oxford Dictionary online)

How often have you been disappointed in life?

Why were you disappointed?

If you take a moment to look at the last time you were disappointed, you will notice that your expected outcome or experience was not met and you were left with a sense of loss.

The reality is that every one will at some stage feel as if they are not able to meet some expectation, or that will feel as if their expectation has not been met. In all cases we want to be able to use expectation to our advantage, to allow expectation to drive us forward and motivate us.

What we want to do on these cases is to take a moment to understand our initial motivation to expect something (x). Then we can look at why we expected (x) in the first place!

This requires you to be honest with yourself!

Ask yourself why you either need to fulfill an expectation or were disappointed by an expectation not being met. What was than need within you that needed to be filled and was not?

Now ask yourself where that expectation came from. Is it a need or desire deep within you, or is it from society, culture, belief or some other source outside of yourself?

Once we have identified this, we can decide if that expectation is worth fulfilling or if we can drop it!

After processing expectation in this way for a while, your subconscious will automatically start to filter and fine tune your expectations for your benefit. Your expectation will become more of a motivation for you to achieve what ever goals you set for yourself easily and efficiently rather than something used to undermine and inhibit you. Let expectation be a wonderful too to help you to focus on your goals and achieve then so you can perpetually be the person that you want to be!

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Doing the Right Thing

Doing the Right Thing

“Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar s, and to God the things that are Gods” Jesus

How often have you tried to do the right thing, to be a good person, to help others, to make a difference in some one else’s life?

It feels good, and is the “right” thing to do! BUT…

What if the lines start to become blurred?

By observing the message expressed in the above quotation, one would be expected to pay all tax, no matter how unjust it is!

What if you are an ardent supporter of South Africa’s E-tolls, and your opponent is not?

Is it not correct to pay for services rendered?

But we say, there is a tax built into the fuel price for roads… But we say, the government is wasting our money on frivolous stuff… But we say only certain road users must pay and the system is not fair… But we say, most of the money is not even going into the countries upgrades, it is going offshore as profit… But we say…..

Do you see how quickly doing the right thing can flip into “doing the wrong thing”?

How can we navigate this minefield of conflicting opinion and still initiate right action?

actually easier than one would think

If you are aware of yourself and your emotional responses to things, it is easy to observe your emotional reaction s. The secret is to not respond to these emotional reactions immediately. Rather write them down and address them again in an hours time. This will give you time to either gather more information and make a better informed decision, or it will allow you a safety net that curtails nu-necessary impulsiveness.

We all know right from wrong, and we all are swayed by emotion. The key to consistently doing the right thing by yourself and others is to balance the response to the expected emotional outcome, not the emotional motivation!

Take a moment to think about that, then draw up a list

How do I want to respond and why?

How should I respond and why?

 

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Rising to the challenge

“It is at our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light” Aristotle Onassis

How many times in the past have you felt despair, overwhelmed, unable to cope, or that all was hopeless?Yet you are still here, living breathing and surviving – well done!

 The most important thing in life is to survive, and survive we always do! How much grace and fun we have in that survival process depends entirely on us and on how we rise to the challenges presented to us!

 A good friend always makes me laugh when, under severe pressure, he repeats to himself and everyone in ear shot… “ok, right, lets slow down to a panic, we are not dead yet!”

Now we may laugh at him, but he has found a very important stress coping technique – to focus and observe before making decisions or responding. He naturally understands that our immediate life and death survival is taken care of buy our instinct, and as such, our feeling of being overwhelmed and un -able to cope is something that comes after we have already survived – it is a secondary conditioned response!

Because of this, we are always able to take at least some of our power back in any situation and chose some responses that suit us.

To take our power back and make better decisions while under pressure, we should always try to change adversity into challenge, then rise to that challenge, conquer it and move forward. It may sound like a cliché to say that we don’t have “problems”, we have “challenges”, but that is exactly what we want to try to do! This re-labelling process changes the way we see the problem, it gives the “problem” a positive import which automatically presumes that we can triumph over it.

This is a subtle subconscious, psychological trick and it very simple and effective!

This weeks challenges

  • Observe your “problems”
  • Write those “problems” down
  • Change each problem into a challenge
  • Develop a simple strategy to rise to the challenge

 

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Gratefulness Goals and Guilt

  Gratefulness Goals and Guilt

A new year, a new life!

Well that’s what we are all lead to believe, and why not?

We all did the very best that we could last year, and now we are looking towards the future with hope and optimism!

To maximize our success this year, I suggest that we all focus briefly on the three G’s.

Gratefulness, Goals and Guilt.

Now lets get these into perspective…

Gratefulness does not mean humble submission to ourselves or others for a stipend received, but rather a humble congratulation of ones self for successes and goals achieved. This allows us to gauge our performance, re assess our motivations and shows us where our weaknesses are so we can start to change them into strengths.

Goals – as discussed previously are nothing more than points upon which we can focus our attention. We could also be extreme and call them “greed points”. In so doing, we are encouraged to say “I want”. To do this, we have to know what it is that we want!

A goal excludes the peripheral clutter and forces us to zoom in on what it is that we what and how we want to achieve it.

Guilt is a unique and complex emotion cultivated by the culture and society in which we live. Its primary purpose it to get the collective to behave in a manner that is acceptable to the others in the collective. If we observe our feelings of guilt, we can use it as a wonderful indicator of our performance or lack there of in relation to our responsibility to society. Use your guilt to find reasons and motivations fro gratefulness and goals.

This weeks challenge – write down five answers to the following and use these answers to fine tune your life;

What do you have to be grateful for from last year?

What are your goals this year?

What do you feel guilty about?

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